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Moving On

If you would have told me last year that at this time, I would be packing my apartment, moving to Omaha and starting a new job, I would have laughed in your face. Over the last 4ish years, I have moved seven times, and this makes number eight. I am notorious for moving weeks/days before my birthday to a new city where I have no friends. My goal last year was not to move again before my 25th. I was determined to celebrate this milestone birthday the proper way, with cake and friends and perhaps a birthday sash. However, instead of meeting that goal, I moved the week of my birthday. I was intent on living and working in Fort Wayne for at least 3-5 years. Instead, my last day on the job was my one-year anniversary. This year has been full of incredibly challenging lessons both personally and professionally and is a true display that plans can and do change.

I haven’t posted since December, and to be honest I had stopped writing completely. I couldn’t create content designed to uplift, when I was struggling to keep myself afloat. Maybe this post marks a new beginning within my creativity as well as documenting a chapter change within my life’s story.

Here are a few updates to get you caught up.

  1. I moved to Omaha to start a dream position as an Associate Food Scientist at Conagra Brands. I just finished my first week and absolutely love it! I am truly excited to see what my future holds here.

  2. I adopted a two-year-old cat named Bert, and he is easily the best thing to come out of my time in Fort Wayne.

  3. I’m becoming an aunt soon! ETA July

  4. I ran my first 10K the weekend of my move! I signed up for the race months ago to challenge myself and work towards something in celebration of my birthday. It just so coincidentally happened that it was the weekend of my move, and my last hurrah in Fort Wayne. To be honest this 10K had so many meanings to me. A year ago, I never would have dreamed that I could run 6.2 miles without walking, and on the 10th after months of training I did just that. Having the grit to finish how I wanted was incredibly important to me, especially after working through so many hurdles over the past 12 months. All the emotions from those challenges came pouring out in tears as I crossed the finish line. Tears for showing up for myself. Tears for working to build my own trust back. Tears for the close and start of a new journey. I’m incredibly grateful.

  5. I turned 25

  6. I was accepted into the KSU Food Science Graduate School program and start this fall.

  7. I’ve been working really hard to try and be happy.

If you feel a bit of a melancholy undertone to this blog, it’s because there is one. When I originally wrote this post, I hadn’t made the move or started my new job. I was cautiously looking to the future with hope, but also fear. I had so much to look forward to, but also so much to grieve. I feel like I talk about grief a lot. I think societally we reserve grief for those who have lost a loved one, but that is only one example of this complex emotion. That is why I am determined to talk about it. It’s an emotion that leaves you feeling isolated, heavy and exhausted. It’s why we must talk about it, to slowly set the heaviness down and release us from isolation.

This time I grieve for what was, but mostly grieve for what wasn’t. Sometimes I feel like I wasted a year in Fort Wayne, but then I remember the small things I intentionally focused on that brought me great joy. Nothing is sweeter than waking up on Saturday morning, getting a lavender latte at the farmer’s market, and buying candles from my candle guy Derek. Nothing is sweeter than walking downtown in the fall under the canopy of changing leaves toward the MLK bridge and promenade park. Nothing is sweeter than doing a hot yoga class on Sunday afternoon and shopping at Trader Joe's right after. Nothing is sweeter than hot tubbing with friends after intramural sand volleyball. Nothing is sweeter than finding a gym that feels like home. Nothing is sweeter than coming home to the most cuddly and handsome cat in the world. Nothing is sweeter than my Fort Wayne friends that have cheered me on this year. So maybe this year was hard in a lot of ways that I’m not ready to talk about just yet, but these are the things that were that I grieve.

I’ve grieved every city I’ve left, from Manhattan to Florence to Kansas City. Pieces of me will always be rooted in the places I once called home. I’m calmly turning the page toward this next adventure, but I think it is vital to pause in reflection to feel grief and give gratitude.

Next chapter, Omaha.

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